In a time when Film Schools are being flooded by a record high of applicants, admission departments have no choice but to reject well over 90% of the Scorsese and Tarantino wannabe's.

Providing a unique alternative is Adult Film legend, Bobby Inches. You may recognize Mr. Inches or his parts from such feel-yourself-good flicks as, "Hail To My Chief" and "I Lost My Hymen In San Francisco" or his most recent, "Lord Of The Cock Rings." Mr. Inches has recently founded America's first Adult Film School, which provides students with extensive training in the XXX filmmaking process, from initial erection to the flaccid denouement.

Inches states, "Our primary goal is to develop the craft of our future porn makers and then send them into the industry to raise the medium, and hopefully a few pricks."

Mr. Inches showed us the wide range of hands-on courses the school has to offer the students both in front and behind the camera. A few of them include:

• Sight, Sound and Hepatitis-B: Bring urine sample.
• Mic-ing for an Actor's Genitalia
• Lighting for different positions
• G Spot: Where is it?
• Getting a return on your Money Shot
• Major and Minor Labia 101
• The Big Gang Bang Theory
• The importance of impotence
• Working with Midgets, Sheep and Jenna Jameson.

And much more!

One promising talent, who would like to remain anonymous (Brian Goldberg who can be reached at 555-2318 between the hours of 7pm-11pm), is currently working on his thesis project, a feature length screenplay.

"I'd like to finish the damn thing by graduation but I'm afraid I'm such a good writer I'm running to the bathroom every five minutes." The sex scribe has confessed to using two reams of paper and thirty rolls of Scott Tissue thus far. Mr. Inches is confident he'll prove to be the institutions first prominent alumnus. "Worse comes to worse, the kid can always act. He's hung," Inches stated.

The school also plays host for many privileged panel discussions where visiting experts from the field conduct a Q&A with the students. Just last week porn Veteran, Vanessa Del Rio paid a visit and after answering only two questions, immediately infected the entire freshmen class with Clamydia. One student was able to make the best of it, saying, "It has brought us closer together as a student body and I'm learning to live with the discharge."

Unfortunately, the U.S. Government does not offer financial assistance for tuition but several State Senators have been spotted loitering the green rooms and television studios during taping (especially when a director's shot list calls for an all-girl scene). Although they deny allegations of being politicians, these platinum haired suspects possess a heavy handed tell. Upon hearing "Public Official?" they flinch in unison, resembling a litter of kittens when hearing "Pssst!"

Although anyone can apply to the newly founded Adult Film School, Inches admits, "Applicants with implants do have a leg up, maybe two. That wouldn't hurt either."

For further information call 1-800-555-FILM.