NOTES TO THE CLOSE DORK: WHY GEOFF JOHNS MAKES SPENDING $40 A WEEK ON COMIC BOOKS EASY

Geoff Johns is the Jesus of the DC Universe. He has single handedly resurrected more titles for DC than any other creator working there now. He brought back Hal Jordan, the fan favorite Green Lantern, and has made that title one of the most popular books on the stands.

In two or three years, when you walk out of the theater, after seeing a Green Lantern movie, and you say “You know, that was almost as good as the ‘Dark Knight’”, it will be because that movie was based on the mythology that Johns has created. When you secretly buy a fake Green Lantern ring, and wear it to bed, you can say “That Geoff Johns is one creative bitch”.

Geoff (see, he is that cool, you pronounce his name as Jeff, but it is spelled like Jee-uff) isn’t as picky as Jesus, though. He is also really good at resurrecting villains and making them more bad-ass than they ever were before. Take Sinestro, for instance. Hal Jordan’s arch nemesis was never very imposing, back in the day. He had a head shaped and colored like an eggplant, with a little hair at the top. To make him more human looking, Silver Age artists drew him with the same kind of pointy mustache you would find on a pompous waiter in a French restaurant.

Sintestro also had a ring, similar to Hal Jordan’s, only it used yellow energy (for those of you who are a little slow, Hal’s used green energy). You see, back in the day, Hal Jordan, and all of the Green Lantern Corps had one weakness. Their rings wouldn’t work on things that were yellow in color. -Insert racist joke against Asians here- So, Hal and crew had to be extra careful if attacked by swordsmen brandishing bananas. Johns, when he brought back both Sinestro and Hal, was able to “Ret-con” the whole “yellow impurity”- Insert another racist joke against Asians here-

Now, you might ask, “What is ret-conning?”, and if you are an actual fan of my column, you might remember that I mentioned, in my first column, that I never would use the term ret-con. Well, tough titty. I am writing about aliens using laser rings. I can contradict myself. To sum it up, ret-conning is when you write something into a modern comic, that contradicts what has always been considered true, and makes it so that the new information is now the accepted reality.

So Johns ret-conning of the Green Lantern’s weakness goes all the way back to the beginning of the universe. It turns out that every color in the spectrum of light, you know the whole ROYGBIV thing, gives off a specific power associated with a specific emotion. Green is in the middle of the spectrum, therefore green represents a balance and logical order. That’s what the Green Lantern Corps taps into, to keep peace in the galaxy.

Now, Here is where John’s can start banging your mother and you would be ok with it. The yellow color represents fear. So the weakness Green Lanterns have against yellow is based on their own, personal fears.

To make Sinestro even more bad-ass, Johns has made Sinestro start up his own yellow ring wearing Corps, The Sinestro Corps, who fly around the galaxy, spreading fear. One of DC’s most successful crossover events was the SINESTRO CORPS WAR, where the Green Lanterns took on the Yellow Lanterns in a Battle Royale. For all you dissatisfied Star Wars fans, that I addressed two weeks ago, quick dissing George Lucas and check out the SINESTRO CORPS WAR trades. Many fans will agree that it is a much more satisfying outer space epic than the Star Wars prequel trilogy.

A few weeks back, you may have read in the Daily News that the original Flash, Barry Allen, was returning, after being dead for over twenty years. Take one guess who is writing Barry’s rebirth story- Magic Man Johns. Johns has already made the Flash’s enemies, the Rogues, far more interesting and intimidating.

Think about it- wouldn’t you just walk up and punch a guy named Captain Cold, right in the face? Let’s play Who Has The More Fruity Name- Weather Wizard, Mirror Master, The Trickster or Piper? Now that Johns has worked on them, they are some of the most dangerous villains in the DC universe.

Next week, I am going to review Johns’ ‘Brainiac’ story in ACTION COMICS. The end of it might have already been spoiled for you, if you read the Daily News today. F-- that though. Go to your local comic store, pick up ACTION COMICS #’s 866-870, and then stop by here next Friday, so we can have a little read along party, and continue kissing the feet of the comics wunderkind, Geoff Johns.