This past Sunday, the Academy handed out their famous awards. Like the rest of the nation, your Favorite DAPS editors, and Lobsterian, drank beers and fell asleep. As to not be left out of the water cooler banter the following day, we quickly did our homework and figured out the movies based solely on the first Google image search result. Our co-workers were none the wiser. The following are our reviews.

La Vie en Rose

A confused, but content, French woman grows larger than the Eiffel Tower. Swarms of delighted Frenchmen attempt to look up the woman's dress at her colossal vagina, hence the title translated as "The View of the Rose."

There Will Be Blood

There Will Be Blood Daniel Day Lewis plays a 1920's gangster vampire, in his finest performance to date. His mustache is so believable as a 1920's gangster vampire mustache, that his tie, not wanting to overshadow the mustache, hid in his shirt for all of the film. Lewis' hat delivers a lackluster performance as an accompaniment to his mustache. Mustache, also mustache. Mustache!
for the mustache.

Michael Clayton

George Clooney plays his smangriest (smug and angry combined) role yet. The film is actually quite well made despite being out of focus the entire time. Another qualm is the poor placement of subtitles (which weren't needed, the film is in English!). But then again, how can you not absolutely love Mr. Clooney-bums.

No Country for Old Men

In possibly the worst horror movie ever made, Javier Bardem, as the world eating giant (Galactus?), chases Josh Brolin across the desert in search of a missing gas can. Brolin's character, a former track star turned hunter/gas station attendant, ends up in the wastelands of the country hoping for a clean getaway. Despite winning the best picture award, No Country for Old Men is so terrible that Tommy Lee Jones had his publicist submit in writing a request to be excluded from the poster.

Juno

The first Academy Award recognized film by Nickelodeon films, is a spin off of last years smash hit Superbad. Ellen Page plays a young woman, who obviously puts out, that keeps a mini silhouette farm for her dumb boyfriend (Michael Cera) to think about. The two lack chemistry as she is a hip twixter and Cera is retarded.