So you like getting off, huh? Fiddling with yourself when you cannot get that special someone out of your mind? Good, I love it! What do you think of? Is it standard issue sweaty muffled, frustrated disrobing with some licking and love bites? Usual class A, stuffing and screaming, panting then napping? I have faith that your sex organs and your brain meet up for coffee and share some very seriously hot details of what you would do in an empty, drippy warehouse basement with that “lucky” individual straight-up hog tied, hanging from a support beam. Oops don’t mind me with the duct tape and the rope; just tell me all, seriously. What different, spicy words, position, or taste do your senses demand? I am not asking what gets you hot I am asking what gets you hotter. What primes your detonation?

The best part of any “good-bad thoughts” is not the ending but how it gets towards its end. Sometimes the build up can be better than the release. This is where I fucked up last year. Thankfully I was properly notified by the girl whose panties I ripped off like a secure band-aid.

In a dark, sweaty room I was told that I rushed through the removal of the panties to cut to the coitus, continually. The panties she had picked out for that particular night’s event was to be something special, like a present wrapped up for a surprise effect. Clothes were flying over my shoulder, I was hungry and ready to eat when she spoke. Her words sounded disappointment. I looked down into my unappreciative hands to see that vaguely shiny black fabric. The vibrant red net sides would wrap around her hips to remove any confusion or doubts about her blessed measurements. The holes between the net showed off her coffee-colored skin in such a brilliantly brutal, teasing manner. This seductive black material was astonishingly simple in pride, no frills, just sexy. To gently rub my stubble against them on her was enough for me for one day, to take them off of her was heaven. They were my favorite of all the underwear that she owned and they felt cold and dry at the tips of my fingers.

I had just learned a valuable lesson.
Rushing anything, we have all learned, will usually lead to mistakes and a half-assed job. Unless we are talking about quickies in which case we will discuss that at a less leisurely time. My frame of mind was set on getting in there and committing some serious mechanical banging. I wanted some tough lovin’ and I planned on taking my time but had somehow completely missed an entire chapter of glorified sexual goodness to be shared and enjoyed. I felt like I had just chugged a great cup of hot coco and thrown away the cup only to forget about that delicious sludge at the bottom.

It seems a wee bit tough for some of us to remember that sex is not solely orgasm driven. What one individual defines as sexually pleasing may not just be the ol’ in and out. Also there is something to be said about the mental aspects of an orgasm. Dress up (like villainous Nazi agents from a bond flick or in a hot dog costume), role playing (picking up your mate as a “stranger” at a bar), toys (they are powerful allies) or even groups (do it with the entire daps crew and get a free bumper sticker!!) can be the primer for some real heat.

Pertaining to the panties, it was the appreciation, loving and disrobing of them that my lady friend considered sexual fulfilling. These unspoken fantasies will not benefit anyone; your meek tongue will keep your passion mediocre, you left ultimately hungry for more. Get that fun stuff out on the table, stop dropping clues and speak your mind! Discussions over morning coffee, in the shower or over sharing a nicely rolled steak, are prime times to bring out possibilities of naughty flavor-induction. Worst case scenario is your partner could say no, do not fear judgment. Talking will give you some serious notes on how to please and surprise your partner and threw willing participation to try new things you will exceedingly broaden your sexual menu.

Normal conversation is a great way to build trust and it is normal to talk about what you like and do not like so relax and treat this the same way. Criticism may seem scary and hurtful but it’s a sure sign that they care so don’t be defensive. Handle this respectfully and do this early, it will only make things better for tomorrow. Do not ever be ashamed of who you are and what you are into (if you kick it to minors and/or animals you can be ashamed if you would like but I suggest just getting help), for example BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism) requires a lot of communication and trust and usually some equipment. It holds a notorious stigma and is seen largely as taboo. However, if this is what gets your blood flowing you should bring it into your life, shamelessly. It is not only for those who are deeply seeded in this scene, give it a try with another consenting adult, you might like it. It is nice to trust someone who has both their hands gripped vigilantly around my throat a moment before I cum. It helps me sleep and makes the nightmares go away. To close this one up I would like to point out that it is obvious after a moments thought that orgasms do not have to be the one sole goal of sex. Just think and talk about it, go have some adventures, find out what you like if you don’t already know and happy detonations to you all.