Fuck voting! Why should you vote just because someone tells you it’s your American duty? Your American duty is to sit back and be entitled.

As November 4th edges closer, more and more people will pressure you to “cast your ballot.” Telling these civic-minded citizens that you don’t vote will likely elicit a rhapsody of outrage.

The avid non-voter usually argues: A) I don’t [know enough about or like] either candidate B) I live in New York. Therefore, voting is meaningless. As far as the Electoral College is concerned, I voted Obama. C) Why vote? All of the politicians are related to each other anyway. Together, they form a single body of all-knowing Power. D) I never got the forms to register to vote.

Neither of the preceding arguments satisfies the requisite of an acceptable response.

A. Go to a New York Times website, where they post one sentence synopses on the candidates policies. Make a cheat sheet on a PostIt like in high school. Take to poll.

B. You’re probably right on this one.

C. 3. Take a garbage can (preferably aluminum or tin) and burn your Farenheit 9/11 DVD. Delete Loose Change from your YouTube favorites. Stop filling your head with that fringe conspiracy nonsense. If it was all orchestrated, and voting is fruitless as you claim, then trying to figure out the “Truth” is even more pointless. Read George Orwell’s 1984, you’ll understand.

D. The forms came in the mail. You used them as a break-up card for your weed.

As far as I’m concerned, you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone in this country. You can be as loud and ignorant as you want and nobody can silence you. That said, obviously, there must be a reciprocal agreement. Don’t expect to silence the loud and ignorant.

As much as I respect the right to a lifestyle of indifference, I feel good at the end of the day knowing I made a decision based on what seems a decade’s worth of analysis. Knowing that I didn’t cower in the face of something I couldn’t at first embrace. The late great, George Carlin decried the notion that people who don’t vote can’t complain about their elected officials. Not to disagree with King George, but I can complain about my officials too, even if I did elect them.

Hell, I’m a loud and ignorant American. I can do what I want.