Midway through part 2 of 11 of the YouTube version of the first presidential debate, I involuntarily bellowed a loud groan.

“They’re not saying anything!”

For a person who can watch C-SPAN with as much enthusiasm as SportsCenter, the first debate was a complete struggle. It was like watching two Russians in a slow, heavyweight boxing match. I was the fan that stayed the entirety just to boo.

The University of Mississippi based event was supposed to center on foreign policy—what countries we will and won’t invade in the next presidency and what not—until the damned economy went limp like a drunk date. Then, the moderator, Jim Lehrer of PBS (the channel with Sesame Street and Barney), justified leading with the “global financial crises.” Thank sweet Buddha that the planet Algernon from the Pegasus Dwarf galaxy invested in Google. Obviously, neither of these men had prepared as extensively for economic debate as much as they had for the foreign policy portion.

As much as I like my money, I’d rather donate it to programming like News Hour than listen to respective referendums on tax reform. I’d rather have my eyeballs sanded out of my face actually. Inevitably, talks on the economy skewed this way for much of the debate. This segment could have been spiced up with some wife or mother insults, but no. McCain persisted with pork barrel spending (money spend on radio stations in Madagascar and clicky pens instead of twisty ones) and Obama pushed a supposed tax cut for 95% of the country. Thanks. We’ll need that money for when you guys bail the other 5% on our paychecks. When they finally focused on good stuff, on foreign policy, things got a bit edgier.

Like the usual sound bytes, Obama linked the war in Iraq to Bush and McCain. McCain acted like Ike Eisenhower and derided Obama’s voting record. At one point it seemed like they might have sparred, when Obama said he would fight on Pakistani soil to combat the Taliban. McCain responded: “You can’t say that out loud,” as if he said that Laura Bush was cheating on W with Harry Reid. Obama acted like some pacifist mediator though and wouldn’t punch back. They never got to the good stuff like black mail photos, name calling, and legacy pummeling, you know, the stuff we like to see on TV.

Things may end in Iraq, but, we’re in for a long haul in Afghanistan. Congress may pass a bill for $700 billion bills in economic aid. But, we’re still going to be broke for a while (not forever). The debate proved that as much as we want peace and prosperity we may have to settle patience and panhandling. At least give us some good TV while we wait.