This past Weekend DAPS Staffers Lobsterman, Dave Giordano, Danidisaster, and myself went to the Warped Tour at Nassau Coliseum. Upon hearing about my assignment, I was immediately struck with an immense feeling of grief and regret. After some soul searching I found where these feelings stemmed from. First, I didn't know or didn't like any of the bands on the tour. Second, I was way to old to carry the same romantic feeling about the Warped Tour. I saw it as a cesspool of marketing and youth. A perfect storm of expendable income and willing vendors, be those vendors a tent with some "underground" clothing brand, or a record label whoring out their latest creation.

Today "punk" is no longer an underground scene. It is no longer looked down upon by mainstream media. In fact, it is quite the opposite. What drew me into the music at 17 (I was, and still am, a devoted hip-hopper) was the fact that no one could touch it. It was tucked away in this small corner of the world and it could be all mine. I could retreat from the everyday and listen to Thursday, or Glassjaw (whom I still listen to), or even Taking Back Sunday (though this marked the beginning of the end for me). Ever since the "scene" hit, I've seen a major over-saturation of the market with shitty bands and moron kids enjoying it.

I spent a little time with a bunch of the bands in this years Warped Tour, and I will give you now, in brief sentences, my final judgement on them based on the information they gave me.

Just Surrender: Well I haven't heard of these guys eaither, but by judging from thier string section, they are a bunch of underage drinkers who sleep with underage girls and have no fucking clue about anything. At least they are honest about their masturbation habits. Good luck in about a year!

Tat:

This trio from England is actually pretty damn good. They know what the hell they are doing and have great heads on their shoulders. Influenced by Greenday, Joan Jett, and the Clash, they are currently shopping a demo around, and being on the Warped Tour two times in three years definately wont hurt. These guys are the next big thing, seriously. Also, thanks for the CD! PS: Tat defended the Neon-Punk scene (which makes me absolutly sick, becasue i started that fashion trend 2 years ago.) by calling it "Punk as fuck". "Punk is being who you are nomatter what that is." Well said Tatiana (the lead singer).

Protest the Hero:

We spoke to one dude from this band and he was pretty fuckin' cool. These guys are metal, agressive technical metal to be exact (think Dillenger Escape Plan), and they HATE the dudes from Forever the Sickest Kids (and you should too). They are touring in October with Unearth (sweeeeeeet). Hailing from Canada, they claim they don't notice a blossoming alt-music scene. I guess the grass is always greener.

Norma Jean:

Well, we spoke about their music reminding me of a pack of T-Rexes chasing me. They said it was cool, and that they (just now) saw a picture of Raptor Jesus. I mean hellooooo, that pic is like a year old. I guess they were out making dope ass hard fucking T-Rex music instead. They have a new album coming out Augist 5th called "Anti-Mother", or something like that. Their hair was a little stupid though...

Gym Class Heroes:

Wow those guys are coooool, its like punk AND rap! WOW! I haven't heard anything like that before!!!! OMG and it's emo too! Okay enough, these jerk-offs suck. and the guitarist admitted to being a coke head. When Danidisaster asked if they party during the tour, he asnswered "You can call me Dr. Rockso." Yes kids, the rock and roll clown from Metalocalypse who does insane amounts of blow. That's a fucking real-ass direct quote. Oh and they are touring with the Roots soon.

Say Anything:

Well we didn't get Max like we wanted (I guess he was busy being bi-polar or something) but we definately got a gold mine in the short clean looking one. He so badly wants to be Max, that he contracted OCD, and claimed to be the "Mom, errr Dad" of the band. The scraggly looking one was kinda cool. Until Danidisaster pointed out the caking deoderant under his arm. Peep the transcript:
"Whoa you have a bunch of deoderant caking up!"
"Oh shit where?"
"You got it. What kind of deoderant do you use?"
"Teen Spirit: Pop sensation"
I chime in: "Makes sense!"
He then walked away. DAPS 1, Say Anything 0.

Cobra Starship:

LOL made famous from the "Snakes on a Plane" soundtrack, these guys are like the BEST new rave band EVA. (seriously, the music is super catchy and I honestly like it) These guys, like Say anything, take themselves waaaaay too seriously. And for "not caring about trends" they certainly tap right into one and exploit it.

Color Fred:

Fred, he's the man. I amost feel bad for throwing him off with "How much of a douche is Adam?" question. We sat for about 20 minutes just shooting the shit about his life, his career and his plans. Basically this dude is one of the few artists on the tour and he takes his stuff, not himself, seriously. So refeshing. Anywho, the official TBS answer is that the 5 of them stopped communicating. Color Fred has a new album coming soonish and Fred is a perpetual student. He is always learning about pop music and forever writing it. How could you not, when you learned the secret of writing music from Billie Joe of Greenday.

Reel Big Fish:

We sat with these guys for waaaay long. Here's the rundown. Pirated music got them a tour in Europe, they almost had a comic book based on them written by them, they think moshing is silly, skanking is cool, they are down with OPP, make Bukaroo bonzai references like champs, brew their own beer, don't like Skullcandy headpones, and are veterans of the Warped Tour. These guys had the only set I enjoyed, and actually are so good at what they do, they sell tickets to shows without promotion. Talk about icons of the genre. ALso we abused a bunch of the faggy bands together and talked about the Watchmen movie. All are excited for it.

Well that's my super quick rundown of the bands I interviewed. Now enjoy some pics that I have captioned for your entertainment.

Nice pants dick. I hate you.

These kids wanted "emo humor," I told them to cut them self and cry. Then they laughed.

I'm a mack.

LOLMYFACE

These guys were cool. Backpacks FTW!

Yo, this chick had like NO CLOTHES ON. I got a sexy pants attack.

Told you. HOT

I'll give you 50.... CENTS! OOOOHHHHHHH

Again with the dumb pants. I hate youth culture.

Does this incriminate me?

LOL

"Wacky kids"

She was a liar btw,

"Forever the Sickest Kids" it's sad when you are 30 pretending to be 16. these guys are an abomination and should be shot I hate them.

Def spittin' some prolific shit. Prob not.

Damian told me who these guys were, but I forgot.

Dave Giordano fucking RULES

LOL I got an airbrush "KIA" tattoo. LOL SO GAY

I am way too old for this crap.

But it's soooo worth it.