People are stupid. They often forget that staying out in the sun too long can cause Cancer. It can also make your skin more leathery than Mickey Rourke's face. Here are some ways to keep cool this summer.

Summer School:

Much like a child kicking a bear in the testicles, kids who have to go to summer school are just plain stupid. Actually, that's a lie. I just said it so that I had a reason to post a picture of a child kicking a bear in the testicles. In all honesty, summer school might be a blessing in disguise. Usually it is held in a room with air conditioning or at least a giant ossilating fan. Definitely no chance of getting a sunburn inside Remedial Chemistry 101. But there is a heavy chance of depression with a side of embarassment.

Portable Fans:

Portable fans are a very compact and effective way of keeping cool this summer. Just be sure not to buy a metal one, rip the plastic grate off of it, start running around with the fan on high-speed, steal a baby, torture it by slicing it's tender little fingers off, and then leave it back where you found it so that the mother can find it and cry in horror as she sees her poor baby with two bleeding stumps for arms. Good times.

Swimming Pool:

Swimming pools are a great way to relax and cool off on a hot summer day. Until some shit-head kid starts peeing in the water. Also, the pool might be crowded and you might feel cramped in there. Speaking of cramps, best not to get a leg cramp in the deep end unless you like being known as the guy who died because he forgot to drink enough water to stave off a cramp. Yeah. Come to think of it, public pools suck.

Sunscreen:

The old tried and true. Sunscreen is your best defense against the harmful rays of the sun. Don't use enough, and you will probably get skin cancer. Use too much, and you will probably get skin cancer. I don't know what they put in those bottles. For all I know it could be a concentrated mixture of AIDS and BBQ sauce. In other words, you're all fucked either way.

Enjoy your summer and stay safe, America!