Yes, the rumors are true; I, Vincent J. Forte(aka The Mighty Vin) am tossing my beard into the race for the presidency. I will be running as a write-in candidate as the representative from the Shaolin Party.

Why:

I decided to enter the race after I realized that America's two main options had been narrowed down to a senator with little experience in the senate and a crazy old-man who will probably die before November hits. I thought to myself: "Who would I trust my future to?" The answer was overwhelmingly "myself." Who better to lead this great nation than someone who hasn't been corrupted by the political machine or tainted by big corporations? Vin Forte? Exactly.

Vice President, Secret Service, and The Economy:

Random Asian man. You heard me. Random Asian man. I can think of no one better to be my Vice President. He will be able to balance our troubled economy with his math prowess and protect me with his samurai skills from trouble when shit goes down. Top that, John McPain-in-my-ass and Barack Osama(oh, I went there).

Immigration:

If I am elected president, I will put my massive and awe-inspiring beard to good use and carry Mexicans in it back across the border. I will pull this off by luring the Mexicans into my beard with promises of cheap labor; then when they are finally in my beard, I'll gas them with rhino tranquilizers. While they are knocked-out, I will run across the border and dump them onto Mexican soil.

Clown Rape?:

I will vow to get rid of the death penalty. But not because it's too cruel. Quite the contrary; it's not cruel enough. These murderers WANT to die. They don't care that you speed up the process. I submit that anyone convicted of murder or child abuse should be clown-raped by the clown from It every Tuesday morning at exactly 6:00a.m. Now that's rape you can be proud of.

Guidos punished by death:

I will do America the biggest favor I could ever do by eradicating all traces of guidos from this nation. Best to unspike your hair, wear a shirt color other than pink, learn to speak proper english, and get your Italian-pride flags out of my neighborhood--"bro."

The Mencia law:

As my absolute first act as president, I will pass a law that will make it illegal for comics to steal jokes from other, better comics and also lie about their true national origin(Carlos Mencia is NOT Mexican; he's Honduran and German). The punishment? The comics that you steal jokes from will, by law, be able to kick you in the balls for each joke you stole from them. Tough, but fair--very fair.

So, now what?:

From this point on I will be posting updates every few weeks in my blog that will detail more of my platform and inform people about live events that I will be promoting my campaign at over this coming summer. So keep your ears to the grind and stay tuned; things are just getting started.

Write-in "Vin Forte" this November.