COMEBACKS: WHO IS DUE? AND WHO IS THROUGH? (Clever Title huh?)

A list of those trying to come back, those who did come back, & those who should give up and try a comeback in a decade or 2... Yea I'm talkin to you Katy Perry.

Submitted by Sham on Tue, 12/02/2008 - 9:50pm.

DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK!

Greetings Valtrex Users,

This blog came to me in a dream where the MTV news typewriter started pounding and Chuck Norris' son started talking to me about Britney's "comeback". Now it's not like the bitch was a hit in the 80's I mean jesus, she went trailer whore whale for a while. She was touring like 4 years ago. So I don't see this as a comeback, but more of a brief hiatus where she is now back on earth and ready to lip sync. I wish her all the best and may her head shaving, baby throwing days be behind her. Wait, she's normal again? FUCK. I thought the crazy, bald, attack Britney was awesome. She was always entertaining and frankly, I felt people finally got their money's worth from her even though it was tabloid and not music.

RIP PSYCHO BITCH BRITNEY...Sanity has taken over...

I know I was thinking the same thing!

Acts that have really made a comeback like NKOTB or "New Kids Who Are Now Old But Are Still, In Fact, On The Block", are still selling out stadiums, and everyone knows it's because they're all broke, but you tell me you don't bop your head when "Hangin Tough" comes on the radio. Oh you don't...neither do I...that gay shit. Well I bid Britney and NKWANOBASIFOTB all the luck and success that not writing your own songs entails.

Now on to the juicy stuff. Wow I just sounded like your mom...

I will start with who is through, because hate is much more powerful than hope...my young apprentice.

JONAS BROTHERS

3 kids that don't even have pubes yet have their own jet? WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO? All they do is make your pre-pubescent daughters sexually active wayy too early thus, turning little suzie into a 14 year old super slut with aspirations of getting a train ran on her by The Jonas Douches and the entire cast of high school musical. Is that what you really want for your kids? I didn't think so. Even though their songs are catchy...WTF did I just say?!??!!?!?!...I stabbed myself...I'm good now.

MILEY CYRUS AKA HANNA MONTANA LOVES THE BANANA

The fact that you are the daughter of the man who wrote the greatest love song of all time, is the only reason I allow you to show that Leperous face on my blog. I'm just kidding honey you're beautiful...call me in 5 years. Wait what is wrong with me...Your music is repetitive and you have the voice of Barry White. And the teeth...HELLOOO WILLBUURRRR. Even though it's kind of cool that you work for disney, but post pictures of yourself all over the internet in comprimising positions, you get 2 out of 10...so goodbye.

KATY FUCKING PERRY

I hate her. She is a talentless hack that just screams other people's songs into a microphone. Besides the fact she is attractive and has a pretty impressive set of ninnies, I must say we retire Ms. Perry and her wacky antics. STOP DRESSING LIKE THAT...YOU'RE NOT EDGY...YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING EXTRA FROM TOYS.

STOP BITIN ZOOEY DECHANEL'S FLAVA BIZNATCH!

YEAH THAT THE REAL SON!

There are some I am looking forward to...THESE PEOPLE NEED TO COMEBACK!

The Jackson 5

Don't act like you don't love these bastards. Michael, Jermaine, Tito...and...the rest will kill it and you know it. I heard that Jermaine is in serious talks about putting a reunion tour together, just as soon as they can get Michael out of that tree.

Smashing Pumpkins

I have liked this band for years and I'm not going to go into detail, but I may have had a few posters in my Intermediate school days. And as everyone knows, if you have a band's poster on your wall, you must be a die hard fan. No, but seriously I like them and I hear they are getting back together. Zwan was kind of a drag.

I WILL NOW SUDDENLY CHANGE MY DIRECTION, WHICH I DO FREQUENTLY BOTH IN LIFE AND WHILE I'M DRIVING.

MOVIE STARS

Movie stars can come back too. Look at John Travolta. He was a movie star, then boom, a talking baby ruins his life. But then, at the end of the tunnel Tarantino revives his career with one swipe of his smelly, indie, pen. And it was awesome cuz Travolta nailed it like...I'm not gonna go there...

Dance away gay, alien boy...Dance away.

But, there's an actor I've been dying to see. This actor needs a comeback more than any other. You've seen him play a zany police officer and one of three gay fathers. Let's bring back...

STEVE GUTTENBERG!

I have one last request. I know he's been saying he was coming back, and you know what it's been a long time and nothing. So please one last comeback. Like he promised.