Greetings Valtrex Users,

I'm back already with yet another rant about something that caught my eye recently. Word is traveling around that some people want the drinking age to be changed from 21 to 18. Most of these people represent some of the most popular universities in the country. This law should be passed swiftly and without complaint. If you can go to war and die at 18 you should be allowed to have a drink. Yes you can get drunk and crash, but you can also go insane and shoot everyone in your platoon in the face while they sleep. These lawmakers who think they save lives because they lock Jimmy up for blowing a .09 are fucking fake peices of shit who sleep pretty well at night knowing they rob Johnnies parents of their hard earned money daily. Now without further ado I give you.....

STUPID FUCKING LAWS AND SOME NEW ONES I WILL PRESENT TO THE GOVERNMENT

*these laws are actual fucking laws that some misplaced sperm actually wrote down and got passed.

- In Louisiana Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault

- In Nebraska a parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.

- In Washington a law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.

HA HA HE HE HO HO HA HA HE HE HE HE!

SOME LAWS I DON't AGREE WITH

1. The Drinking Age

I pretty much explained this in the opening paragraph. It's just not right you can get sent to the front lines to get blown to pieces on your 18th birthday, but you can't go to a bar and do body shots off unattractive women with warts.

2. Pissing in public

Now look I understand it's not right to piss on an old lady while she sits on a bench or pee on the side of a pre-school during recess, but if I just got finished drinking and I've found a nice spot in the woods where I can just...UGHHHH...then coppers...let me hang out with my wang out, lemme rock out with my cock out, but please...don't let me pass out with my ass out.

3. Smoking on a Train Platform

These 2 men were caught smoking on the Eltingville trainstation platform in Staten Island.

Now I think this is one of the most ridiculous fucking laws on this smegma receptacle of an island. I am on a train platform in the open air and Officer Fuckface comes up to me and starts writing a ticket for smoking on a platform. You spelt cigarette wrong you fucking douchebag! This is just another law to make money. If you catch me throw the butt onto the tracks, or put it out on someone's head or get naked and proceed to have sex with the cigarette...then give me a summons; just please let me finish...these things are expensive and I am very horny.

NOW FOR SOME NEW LAWS

1. No fist pumping at clubs...or anywhere else.

YES

NO NO NO

This rule is hardly helpful to all society, just the part that goes to clubs and sees these clowns that look like a master race of hedgehog/human hybrids that fist pump their way into drunk under-age girls hearts. This method does not hide the fact you can't dance. Fist pumping is for celebration. Are you celebrating GOT 2B's release of the new mango scented hair gel or Chanel's release of the new man thongs. Fist pumping is reserved for athletes and people who win divorce settlements, besides, no one needs to see the method you used to please your dad when you were little. OOOOOO SNAP.

2. People Should only be allowed to play 5 songs at a time on the jukebox

"STEP AWAY FROM THE JUKEBOX WITH YOUR HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD" ::pulls trigger::

I FUCKING HATE IT WHEN SOME DRUNK DOUCHEBAG OR SOME LOOSE GIRL DECIDE TO PUMP 40 DOLLARS WORTH OF SONGS INTO THE FUCKING JUKEBOX. NOT EVERYONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO THE SONG YOU HEARD WHEN YOU CAUGHT YOUR WIFE FUCKING THE MAILMAN. UGH. If you make me president I will outlaw this practice and make sure people who hog the jukebox receive the maximum penalty, which is being locked in the room with 3 hungry monkeys and a horny midget.

3. Jessica Biel should be crowned goddess of the world indfefinitely.

That is all.

4. On mischief night, the use of a baseball bat should be allowed when involving a teenager who throws shaving cream or eggs on your car.

Thats pretty much self explanatory. I think you should be allowed to catch the pricks and beat the shit out of them. WHO COVERS A CAR IN EGGS. YOUR FUCKING DEAD YOU LITTLE BASTARDS......DEADDDDDDD.

5. Midgets should be allowed to participate in the NBA, and transgendered things should be allowed to choose between the NBA and WNBA.

This would make the game enjoyable to watch.

and that's all kiddies. And as one great man once said...

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know, I just, do things. The mob has plans, the cops have plans, Gordon's got plans. You know, they're schemers. Schemers trying to control their worlds. I'm not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how, pathetic, their attempts to control things really are. So, when I say, ah, come here, when I say that you and your girlfriend was nothing personal, you know that I'm telling the truth. Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh and you know the thing about chaos, it's fair."

LOVE,
Sham The McGyptian