mosquitoes.

Mosquitoes suck! BA-DUM-CHA. Thanks, thank you. I’ll be here later for a 9 o’clock show. Tip the wait-staff. Good night, I love ya.

the beach

Oh lets go to the beach, it’ll be so fun! NO! It never is. The beach is always a disappointment, unless it’s like you’re sneaking onto a beach at night to make sweet sweet love. But it’s rarely that, it’s usually just a big trip with too many people involved. In the end everyone comes home feeling warn out and sandy-balled. Who wants sand on their balls? Honestly now? Sand sucks the most, sand ruins everything. The peanut butter and jelly sandwiches get sandy and gross, it gets in your eyes and you’re blind, in your shoes? Sand in the shoes is forever. Fuck the beach.

hot dogs

What the fuck is in a hotdog? They call a lot of them “all beef”, but that just freaks me out because beef isn’t supposed to be mushy. The mere fact that you have to market the hotdog by naming it “beef” is weird. It’s like it’s trying to prove the hotdog does indeed come from a real animal. I’ve seen a cow, what part does the “all beef hotdog” come from? The feet? Probably. I don’t know, I can’t really back that up. But still I’m sure it’s something gross. Fuck the beach.

weddings.

Listen weddings suck a ridiculous amount, and for a lot of reasons; as I’ve previously stated (check mike’s ten: overrated.) But weddings in the summer suck even more. Because the summer wedding is always about money and not love. They’re way too flashy and rap video-ish. Plus it’s so fucking hot. Being dressed up in nice clothes sucks hard when it’s really hot out. I personally don’t like the suit and tie bit at all, but hey I wear flip-flops every day. No guy wants to sport a bat-wing while wearing dress pants so please don’t wed in the summer anymore and don’t invite me if you do.

block parties

Block parties are lame. They are only fun if you wanna hit on underage girls and play with glow sticks all night. Hhmm…

BBQs.

This is an entire ritual focusing on and revolving around meat. If it once lived you will heat it crudely and eat it. Steaks, chops, the aforementioned hotdogs, ribs, wings, babies. I like meat and all, but not a lot. Red meat is only fun when I’m drunk or high, chicken is awesome. I must admit I eat a good deal of chicken. But if you’re not a complete cock-aholic BBQs aren’t for you. Wait. I’m being told cock-aholic doesn’t mean what I thought it did. I thought it meant eat a lot of meat.

sun-burn.

Sunburn hurts bad. But now it’s even more distressing because you’re definitely wondering to yourself, have I just caught cancer? Probably. No just kidding, probably not. You’re going to be fine. You’re fine. ;)

sports.

This opinion definitely comes from the fact I’m a geek, but I’m not interested in any sport at all. I just don’t get them. I think I’m too slow; I can’t seem to understand what any of them are about. I’ve had people try to explain the concept of baseball to me, about four different times in my life, none of them took. Hockey I kinda like because it’s easy for me to follow the puck while watching. Boxing is also fun, but that’s less of a sport and more of people beating each other to death

drunk teachers

Summer time is the season for drunken teacher hunting. They’re out in their tacky glory getting drunk at low-end bars, and waiting for you to whisk them away. I’m in my twenties so these girls are around my age, but still it feels like you’re doing something taboo, flirting with them. They tend to make me feel uncomfortable because I always think I’m going to be raped by one.